FICTITIOUS FASHION: The Girl With a Laundry List

I run my own website, just moved into a new office space and I just adopted a dog. I’ve got an amazing sex life, do pilates and I teach African orphans how to speak Italian on Saturdays. I don’t have a lot of time which is why Sunday is my day. Don’t call and don’t f*cking text me either. Send an email. Better yet, send a smoke signal. Even if the world were ending, don’t bother me. Let me go in peace.

So would you fancy Lea T popping in unannounced last Sunday? I hadn’t even had my morning tea, I’m still in bed stark naked and she just waltzes into my bedroom. I haven’t the faintest f*cking clue as to how she got a key but thank heavens for my Loewe’s Flamenco bags or she would have seen all of my bits and I’m not ready for that just yet. And all she wanted was to return a pair of Givenchy heels I let her borrow…as if I were ever going to wear them again. I have over 100 pairs of shoes, I hang out with designers and I have a tendency to steal things from showrooms when I go visit. I’m busy. I don’t have time to shop like normal people.